I’ve Been Hiding Something From Tim...

Have you ever caught yourself fantasising about something at a deeply unhealthy level?

Lusting after something you know you shouldn’t?

Hiding your social media activity from your spouse in the hope they won’t discover the extent of your obsession?

Dreaming about it multiple nights in a row and planning what you’ll do when you finally get your hands on it?

Well friends, I have this week. And I’ve been hiding it. Even from Tim.

Whoa… it’s not an affair. Calm down.

Tsk tsk.

But it does involve me behaving in a way that would raise questions if my screen time report ever made it into the wrong hands.

You see, I’ve become… secretive. Protective of my phone. Weirdly defensive when interrupted mid-scroll.

Which, in any normal household, would absolutely be considered a red flag.

And I’m ashamed of myself. My conduct. My lack of self-control.

But honestly, I couldn’t help it. It’s consumed my every waking thought.

Because all I can think about is food.

Ohhh... Beautiful. Rich. Comforting food.

You know, the kind that instantly transports you back to childhood.

The kind where every mouthful makes you close your eyes for a second.

The kind that leaves you scraping the bowl, plate or saucepan because wasting even a single bite would be criminal.

Because right now?

Cycle #5 has absolutely destroyed my tastebuds.

And it is killing me.

Then, just to add another layer to the week, there’s also been a change in my treatment plan ahead which has left me feeling a bit deflated, frustrated and slightly overwhelmed, but I’ll share more properly in the next post once everything is confirmed later this week. 😕

So yes.

Emotionally: a bit scrambled.

Tastebuds: fully deceased.

Appetite: aggressively still present, and deeply unhelpful.

As for food this week so far, I’ve only managed to eat:

• Mugs of soup broth (strictly no lumps)

• Half a coffee on some days

• Electrolytes in water

• Apples, mandarins, strawberries and watermelon

• Steamed broccoli — once

• Lettuce leaves with lemon juice

• Plain yoghurt… just

• Baby cucumbers

• Killer Pythons (and I’m not a lolly person)

And even that has been a struggle.

The worst part is that I’m starving.

My appetite is alive and well. My sense of smell remains elite. Everything around me smells incredible.

Groan…

But the second food hits my tongue, my body responds like it’s just been served a plate of roofing nails.

Rejected.

Everything feels horrible and tastes even worse.

So naturally, as any rational adult would do, I’ve developed a completely normal coping mechanism.

I’ve spent hours scrolling food videos on Instagram.

Hours.

Italian nonnas making pasta from recipes older than Australia.

Tattooed hipster-looking men smoking brisket for twelve hours before turning it into tacos.

People pulling apart lasagne with those glorious stretchy cheese pulls.

Bakers slicing into a glossy chocolate layer cake, knife sinking through like it’s settling something deeply personal.

Random strangers making sandwiches.

Jail kitchen staff ladling soup like they understand comfort food and consequence in equal measure. 😬

I’ve watched them all. Saved them all. Categorised them into folders. Rewatched them.

I drooled so much during a late-night scrolling session my pillow looked like I’d shared the bed with a Saint Bernard.

And at one point, I became so embarrassed by the sheer volume of food content I’ve saved that I started deleting some before Tim could discover what I’d become…

A woman possessed.

A food pervert.

A culinary stalker.

One algorithm update away from appearing on an Instagram watchlist.

Completely. and utterly. off the rails.

But when your body is screaming for food while your tongue has apparently resigned from its position, it becomes all-consuming.

And so, because of that, I’ve decided to channel this obsession into something... well... productive.

But I need your help.

Because I am officially planning what may become the most epic post-chemo culinary comeback tour Perth has ever witnessed. 🎉

The internet tells me my tastebuds could return in weeks. Or months. Or potentially longer.

(...We’re not entertaining that last option).

So instead, I’m planning now.

I want restaurant recommendations.

Hidden gems.

Family recipes. The sort of recipes that would get you disowned for sharing them.

The places you still think about six months later.

I’m even open to anything that causes an inappropriate level of eye contact with the person who recommended it. 😉

But now, before you get carried away, there are some limitations.

I am a notoriously picky eater.

All seafood is out. Not even fish fingers, which I remain unconvinced contain either fish or fingers. 🤢

Mushrooms are nature’s fungi plugs and remain banned. That texture? Eh, no.

Pickles are also an abomination. Actually, anything pickled really. If vinegar is the star of the show, I will be leaving at intermission.

And as for animal organs — they belong in anatomy textbooks, not on my dinner plate.

Snails, duck, pheasant, venison, veal etc. are also firmly off the shortlist.

Poor Tim discovered this the hard way in Margaret River where every winery we visited seemed determined to serve either a weird animal, an organ, or a weird animal’s organ.

While he would have happily eaten the lot, we somehow ended up at Chooks eating a microwaved chicken roll and him questioning every life decision that had led him there.

Thousands of dollars spent on a luxury getaway. Lunch purchased from what was essentially a servo with aspirations. 😐

Oh and no, the food cannot be bleeding. If it still looks alive, I don’t want it. Let’s just say if the chef describes it as “resting”, I need it to rest a little longer.

Righteo.

With the “ick food” policy now firmly in place, my Post-Chemo Food Bucket List includes the following marvellous selections:

1. Korean gochujang chicken

2. Gnocchi - melt in your mouth soft pillows of heaven

3. Lasagna

4. Slow-cooked lamb ragu from Bar Cicchetti

5. Thai massaman curry

6. Indian butter chicken and lamb korma

7. Mexican tacos and burritos

8. Meru platter from Angel Falls

9. Eggs Benedict

10. Smashed avo with poached eggs

11. Vegetarian fried rice and spring rolls

12. Top-notch sausage rolls and relish - my MIL's and bakery bought

13. Caramel slice… Amy’s…(cough)

14. Mississippi baked cheesecake

15. English roast with Yorkshire puddings and all the trimmings

16. Bruschetta, arancini and croquettes

17. Carrot cake with cream cheese topping

18. Devonshire tea with fluffy scones

19. Spanish chicken and chorizo paella

20. Tim’s potato salad

21. Cobb loaf. Period.

22. My MIL’s cherry chews

23. Loaded fries from Hillbellies Food Trucks

24. Homemade chicken and zucchini burgers with the lot

25. Pizza — traditional Hawaiian (with lots of pineapple, as my friend Evie would agree) and Crust’s pulled pork, pear and slaw.

26. Lemon meringue tart from Orchard Tarts

27. Sticky date pudding with vanilla bean ice cream

28. Lamb shanks with creamy mash and a rainbow of roasted veg

29. Toasted sandwiches - homemade herbed chicken, mayo and Mersey Valley cheddar and anything from Toastface Grillah

30. Satay noodle stir-fry from Bangkok Bros

31. My MIL’s mini quiches. If you know, you know. 🤤

32. Chicken and vegetable soup with dumplings

33. Flaky croissants with good butter and jam

34. Bunny chow

35. Vietnamese chicken lettuce wraps

36. Chilli con carne, cheese, guacamole, sour cream and chives on potato gems

37. Toasted turkish pide with EVOO, balsamic and dukkah

38. The Queens iconic chicken salad

39. Pulled pork and slaw bao buns

40. Pea and ham soup from Alfreds Kitchen.

    
    

But I feel like there is more to be added.

So this is me, a girl standing in front of a boy — the internet — asking it not for love, not for sympathy, but for carbs.

This is less romance and more a desperate negotiation for really good pasta and a solid gravy situation.

Did you get the Notting Hill reference? No? Disappointing.

Anyway, more importantly, what I need to know is:

What have I missed?

Who does it best?

What is the single greatest thing you’ve ever eaten?

And if you’ve got a recipe so good your grandmother would haunt you for sharing it, feel free to slide into my DMs.

Disclaimer: Food-related DMs only. I am not here for romance, drama, or your emotional journey - just calories worth consuming and absolutely no concern for the aftermath.

Because the minute these tastebuds stop gaslighting me into thinking lemony lettuce leaves are a valid life choice and lasagne is poison, I intend to make up for lost time.

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Happier times when I was around food (I don’t have many photos of me with food, so I had to delve deep into the archives):

The burgers are better... when your tastebuds work

Finished meals with handmade pasta made by the Nickoll/Clementi family

Breakfast at Ku De Ta

A little taste of heaven at the Magnum Store

Jamie's Italian for Harry's birthday where he just had to weat a tie...

Singapore Sling at The Raffles

Lau Pa Sat's Satay Street

Boy's attempt at being fancy

The best toasties in Perth

Brain freeze after sampling Aussie icecream abroad

Our first cake as a married couple

Butter sugar toast with a side of eggs. It's a thing... apparently

Me and a cob loaf at a quiz night. Oh, and with some other turtles in a half shell

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This blog is to allow me to write a little more about it along the way. Partly to keep friends and family updated, and partly because writing has always been how I make sense of things.

Pour yourself a cuppa and read more...